Disclaimer: Not mine. Yes, it makes me sad too.
A/N: bexless and andariell for the beta. dammitcarl for telling me when my ending wasn't good enough, and then coming up with a title for me (it comes from this song). celli, joyfulgirl41, and girlinthetrilby for reading and encouraging me while I whined, lots.
Ryan finds the porn in an old box in the attic. They were supposed to be up there putting away some things for Mrs. Cohen, but instead they spend the afternoon looking through old boxes. Seth wrinkles his nose when Ryan says they're probably Seth's dad's, but surprises Ryan by suggesting they watch. And maybe that's why Ryan went along with it, because it was the last thing he'd expected from Seth.
They pop in the first tape; after about five minutes of flesh toned festivities, while sitting next to his best friend, Ryan starts to think that this is a bad move on his part. Seth's got this expression on his face, somewhere between surprise and just awe, and every time something happens on screen, he starts a little, and sidles in closer to Ryan.
"You have seen porn before?" Ryan asks, trying to distract himself from the fact that they're sitting much too close together for two straight guys watching porn.
Seth turns his face and Ryan starts reevaluating the 'straight' part. When Seth speaks, his words brush against Ryan's skin and Ryan feels himself shiver.
"Dude. Sixteen year old boy. Internet. What else do you think I do?"
Ryan laughs, but it's too tight, and tense. Seth doesn't seem to notice. His attention is focused on the screen. There's a brunette whose ability to swallow would make a python jealous.
Seth blinks. "Whoa. Did she, like, unhinge her jaw or something?"
"Yeah, she's..." Okay. Even Ryan is impressed.
"Seriously, is that even possible? I mean, would I just be setting myself up for a lifetime of disappointment if I expected a girl to be able to do that?"
Ryan shrugs. The girls he's been with, well, they've had their own talents but no one's really memorable in his head right now. They weren't...he'd been with them more because it had seemed the thing to do, and less because he cared all that much. There was no one back in Chino like Marissa.
"Not that I need to even worry about that." Seth continues. "Somehow, I doubt anyone's lining up to offer me sexual services."
Ryan does crack a grin at that.
"They're just not as aware of your charms yet. It's like your comics. You know, no one noticed Clark Kent either."
"So, now you're saying I need to don a pair of tights before I get some?"
Ryan rolls his eyes. "It couldn’t hurt."
Seth punches him in the arm. "Harsh man. Harsh."
Ryan pretends not to notice that Seth's hand drops to rest on his thigh.
"So,” Seth begins again a few minutes later. "Do you think Summer?"
"Do you thinks she does that? Because some girls don't," he adds quickly.
Ryan snorts. "Summer doesn't strike me as the type to say no to much," he says, and then regrets it. He's not sure how he feels about Summer, but that doesn't mean he should be so harsh. He knows Seth's got a pretty strong crush on her.
But if Seth's insulted, he doesn't show it. Instead, he's watching the screen carefully, like he's studying it, and Ryan gets the feeling he is. Trust Seth to actually try to ponder deep meanings in porn.
"I've never--" Seth says.
"Never what?" Ryan pushes.
Seth waves his hand. "Like I've never even been kissed, you know, for real? I mean, I've been kissed. I'm not that much of a loser you know. But like, I'm sure Holly in middle school with the braces doesn't count."
"What about Ana?"
"Ana was cool. But you know...it's different, isn't it? When someone kisses you when they want to have *sex*?"
"It's..." Ryan falters. He's not sure what Seth's asking, and he's not sure how wise he would be to answer.
"Yeah, I thought so," Seth says wistfully. He leans his head back on the couch and closes his eyes.
Ryan feels uncomfortable. He looks down at his hands and tries to think of a way to make the moment less awkward.
"Can you show me?"
Ryan blinks. And looks up. Seth didn't just...did he?
And Seth must have realized what he said, because he's blushing and ducking his head and saying, "God, I didn't just say that out loud, did I? I mean..."
But Ryan doesn't care what he means. And doesn't care if maybe this is just a big mistake, because yeah, Seth *did* just say that, and Ryan's leaning in and God.
Straight boys watching porn together really shouldn't be kissing.
And maybe the fact that he's enjoying it so much takes the whole straight theory right out the window, but who cares about that? Certainly not Ryan, when Seth's under him, and whimpering, and his fingers are tangled in Ryan's hair, pulling him closer.
"Fuck," Ryan whispers, between kisses, and he wonders if he should stop, but Seth doesn't give him a choice. Just pulls him down for another kiss, sinking down into the couch.
Ryan grates his teeth against Seth's jaw, nipping at his lower lip, and asks, "Shouldn't we slow down?"
"No." Seth shakes his head.
"No?" Ryan teases. He slides his hand under Seth's shirt, smirking when Seth moans.
"Definitely not. In fact, we're going too slow."
"You wouldn't want me to be all clueless, would you?" Seth says, rubbing himself against Ryan.
Ryan groans, and has to push Seth down into the cushions. "You don’t," he says, moving against Seth, "seem so clueless."
Seth grins, pearly white teeth that drive Ryan wild, and Ryan has to kiss him again. Has to scrape his teeth against Seth's throat, and Seth bucks up against him.
The television matches their breathy moans, and it makes Ryan almost want to laugh, or rather he would, except that Seth's completely melted his brain.
He was right. There'd never been anyone like Seth back in Chino.
And it's a thought that slows Ryan down. Makes him stop, and he pulls away for a second. Sits back on his heels.
Seth looks confused. "What—what's wrong?" His eyes are wide with fear, wearing all his emotions on his face, and Ryan's just awed by this instinctive need he has to protect Seth. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, no." Ryan shakes his head, and kisses Seth quickly to reassure him. "Everything's okay. We just don't have to…Let's turn this off." He picks up the remote and shuts the television off. "We should probably talk."
Seth frowns. "That doesn't sound like it's okay. Talk usually is the opposite of okay."
"Seth," Ryan begins seriously. "If we do this, this could change everything."
Seth nods. "I get that."
"Do you really?" Ryan looks him in the eyes. "Because you're probably the best friend I ever had, and I don't want to lose that over sex."
"We're going to have sex?" Seth grins. "Cool."
Ryan glares at him but can't maintain the solemn expression. He gives into a small smile.
"Well, now I'm worried about some of us not being mature enough." He pokes Seth in the ribs. Seth squirms, and grabs Ryan’s hands, and pulls him down for another kiss.
"You're my best friend too," Seth says, when they pull apart. "Why do you think...I couldn’t just..."
"Couldn't what?" Ryan prods.
"This isn't just about making the most of who's here. I mean, I couldn't just be with anyone. I wanted you."
"Yeah. Cause I've been so subtle about it." Seth jokes.
"I didn't know," Ryan tells him, but he's not sure if that's really true. Certainly, he's been thinking about it, and wondering. Because there kept being these *moments* where it seemed like there was something Ryan was supposed to do. It'd just never struck him until today just exactly what that was.
This feels right.
And he's just going to have to trust his instincts on this, even if they don't seem to make sense. None of this actually does, if he thinks about it logically. Being here, in the OC, living with the Cohens, and he still expects to wake up to reality any day now. Considering the slew of improbable events in his life lately, somehow choosing the least logical path seems to make sense. It sounds like a very Seth-like approach to the matter.
And if he's going to go with instinct, he might as well go all the way.
He slides off the couch, and there's a look of utter panic on Seth's face for a second. Ryan smiles and drops to his knees, and just watches Seth's eyes widen with disbelief when he realizes what Ryan is about to do.
"Oh God," Seth moans, and drops his head back against the arm of the couch with a thunk. "You're not really?" Ryan undoes the top button on Seth's jeans and lowers the zipper. He closes his fist around the waistband and tugs Seth's pants down. "Oh God, you are."
Ryan lowers his face and just nuzzles Seth through the soft material of his boxers. He's never done this before, but there's something about Seth that compels him to, something about knowing that no one's ever touched Seth like this before. No one's ever seen Seth look like this.
"That's okay, right?" he asks, before hooking his thumbs on the elastic of the boxers.
"It's okay. It might be the most okayest thing in the world," Seth says quickly, and Ryan almost laughs.
He loses the urge to laugh when he does pull Seth's boxers down; *God*, Seth is hard. Hard and leaking, and it should possibly scare him he thinks, never having been so close to another guy's hard-on before, but it's just...hot. Ryan runs his tongue over his dry lips.
"Um, you're staring," Seth begins nervously. "Is that a good thing? 'Cause right now, not feeling secure. I am normal down there, aren't I? I haven't checked anyone else out in gym class recently."
Ryan wraps his hand around Seth's cock. "Yeah, you're just...yeah." He strokes Seth tentatively, softer than he likes himself. Seth arches into his touch.
"Oh God, Ryan, harder, please, *please*," Seth begs, and Ryan complies. Runs his thumb over the head and hears Seth's sharp intake of breath. It's a rush to his head. Knowing he did this. He's the one making Seth moan like that, and he can't believe he was ever scared to do this.
He's not scared at all now. Not when he leans his face down, and just brings his mouth to Seth's cock. He feels Seth tense under him, but he goes on, darting his tongue out to taste. Slightly salty, and not entirely pleasant, but he doesn't mind so much. Not when Seth starts whimpering his name over and over again.
He's sloppy, he's sure of it. There's too much drool, and he probably looks ridiculous with his mouth stretched around Seth, but Seth's not complaining, not if the fingers in his hair are anything to go by. Ryan tries to remember what he liked, tries to remember to use his tongue and to be careful of his teeth, but it's hard to recall the memories of his prior experiences when it's Seth, and his brain just keeps chanting that fact over and over in his head. Instead, he concentrates on sensation, on the way Seth smells, and tastes, and *God*, sounds.
Seth mumbles incoherently, and Ryan almost has to pull off to laugh. Seth would be a talker even through sex. Instead, he tries to take even more, and realizes quickly that python-woman's skills are way beyond him. Not that it seems to matter to Seth.
"Ryan," Seth shouts above him. "Oh God, wow, wow, wow. I'm not, Ryan, I'm not..."
Ryan knows a warning when he hears one. And surprises himself when he doesn't pull off. Seth arches against him and comes with a shout. Ryan swallows what he can before he pulls off, dropping his head against Seth's sweat soaked skin.
Seth's lies back on the couch, quiet. Ryan looks up and smiles.
"Speechless Seth. And all it took was one blowjob."
Seth grabs a pillow behind him and thawpps Ryan on the head. "Let me enjoy my post-coital bliss."
"Post-coital bliss, huh?" Ryan teases, crawling back up Seth's body. He stretches out on top of Seth. He wants to kiss Seth, but he can still taste Seth in his mouth, and it makes him feel a little awkward. He's not sure how Seth would feel about tasting himself on Ryan's--and it doesn't seem to matter because Seth is pulling him down for a kiss anyway. "You're good for my ego," he mumbles when they pull apart.
"You're good for my..." Seth drops his head back. "Oh my god, I had sex."
Ryan laughs. "I know, I was there."
"You were!" Seth grins. "Oh wait." He moves his hand to cup Ryan through his jeans. "You haven't come yet."
Ryan presses close to him. "I was wondering when you'd notice."
"I'm sorry. I was a little preoccupied." Seth bites his lower lip. "So, can I? Can I touch?"
"Yeah," Ryan breathes. Seth's shyness disappears at permission. His fingers scrabble over the buttons, undoing them quickly to reach inside and touch Ryan, stroking him gently. Ryan moans and wraps his hand around Seth's, showing Seth the way he likes it. Seth looks nervous and eager, and Ryan almost cracks a smile thinking that Seth looks a lot like he does when they get to the final level in Zelda. They move in unison, Seth touching him while he's watching Seth's face, and it's too much for Ryan. It's not long, not long at all before he's arching and coming, Seth's name on his lips.
"That was..." Seth looks awed.
"Yeah," Ryan agrees. There's a sudden whirring sound, and Ryan realizes it's the VCR coming to a stop. He'd turned off the television but not the tape. "Educational night," he comments.
"Very," Seth says. "If only school were like this."
"We'd probably get arrested," Ryan points out.
Seth smirks at that. "It's okay, I guess. I prefer the private lessons. In fact," Seth adds thoughtfully, "this might be my favorite activity ever."
"I beat the Playstation?"
"I think so."
Ryan grins, and settles in close to Seth. Seth, for his part, nuzzles Ryan's face, and somehow manages to wrap all his limbs around Ryan in a way Ryan can't quite explain. It could be considered snuggling, and it's not something that Ryan's ever been comfortable at, but he can't quite make himself stop touching Seth yet.
He's starting to figure out that everything's different with Seth. It should scare him, all this change, and it's more than he ever expected, but it's turning out to be a pleasant surprise. Like the OC.
Like Sunday afternoons looking through old boxes in the attic.